5 Silly Myths of Self Compassion
When it comes to our society, it is a hub of myths of all sorts, especially those relating to mental health and well-being. How we treat ourselves largely depends on what we see people around us doing and our society lies low on values of self-love or self-care. We are taught to stay tough and allow no moments of weakness, to be successful, and staying tough is often confused with draining ourselves physically and mentally. Compassion is the virtue of showing pity and concern for a person’s suffering or misfortunes. It is an appreciated quality but only when we treat others with it whereas, the same quality when used for ourselves is called “playing the victim”. These myths have been busted in many societies, by experts and researchers who are also engaged in mentorship. Let us have a look at the widely prevalent myths about self-compassion.
Myths of Self Compassion:
- Self compassion or self pity?
Self-compassion is not self-pity. It is the farthest thing from self-pity. Self-pity is an emotion, a toxic cycle of feeling bad about our problems and constantly indulging in negative thinking whereas self-compassion is not just an emotion but a virtue as well. Self-compassion is a healthier approach to treat us when going through testing times. Self-compassion merely means being kinder to ourselves, reminding ourselves that we are not alone in misery and that the misery comes to end. Self-Pity pushes us into a deep dug pit that is hard to come out of but it is self-compassion that helps us cut ourselves the right amount of slack.
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2. Is Self-Compassion a Weakness?
Compassionate people are looked up to and the same people are called weak if they are compassionate towards themselves. This sort of mentality comes from a notion of being perfect. People believe that to be perfect, they must be strong throughout and pretend. Treating oneself with compassion is often looked at as a weakness. Especially for males in our society, a higher degree of perfection and strength is expected. They are taught not to cry, not to feel bad, and not to care and set examples for the younger ones. Instead of weakness, self-compassion is the strength that we need to get ourselves going. It is the internal support that we need to stay strong without any external support from others.
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3. Self-Compassion or Complacency?
Like the above two, this myth is also a serious accusation in the name of self-compassion. Self-compassion does not make a person complacent; rather, it helps them cope and brings about a positive change in their lives as observed by researchers at UC Berkeley. Self-compassion helps a person understand their goals and makes them more attainable. It does not make a person settle for less, but it helps them accept what has already happened without affecting their motivation. Having compassion towards ourselves makes us more centered, productive, and centered, which further leads to a feeling of contentment.
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4. Does Self-Compassion make you a Narcissist?
No. Self- Compassion does not make us narcissists. Narcissism comes into the picture where there is an over-emphasis on having high self-esteem. Self-Compassion does not mean being self-centered to an extent that we overlook the existence of those around us. If we are compassionate towards ourselves, we realize the need for compassion for those around us and that moves us away from narcissistic behavior. Self-compassion does not give us an idea of superiority but merely promotes acceptance and self-love.
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5. Self-Compassion or Selfishness?
Self-Compassion is confused with selfishness just because it involves giving a part of our compassion to ourselves. Finding time for ourselves should not make us feel guilty and that would happen only when we accept and understand the fact that Self-Compassion is not selfishness. This is a myth but even if it weren’t, there is nothing wrong with being a little selfish. After all, it is our resources that we are directing towards our well-being/mental state and not exploiting others. Selfless actions can only come from those who have been selfish at some point in time and looked after themselves.
The myths of self compassion lie deep-rooted in our society. Be it the high expectations or the stereotypes, self-compassion is nowhere appreciated and it would take a lot more than mere awareness campaigns to get rid of these myths. Excess of anything is bad, even self-compassion, if excessive, can turn into Narcissism, Selfishness, Self-pity, Complacency, or weakness. Individuals need to be encouraged to be a part of a personality development course to understand how self-compassion plays a part in shaping our personalities. All these myths point to a similar conclusion that Self-Compassion is bad for us and those around us, but it is the opposite, as we have understood above. To treat others with compassion, self-compassion is the first step. It is a virtue that makes us better humans and eliminating that would mean causing our suffering. It needs to be normalized with the help of the best personality skill mentor that has come up with classes, podcasts, and self-help videos on YouTube to help people understand self-compassion and practice it. When people like them who hold great importance in our society, come forward and speak, they are heard and believed. We need to reassure ourselves that it is okay for us to take out a little time for ourselves and be compassionate to ourselves, without feeling guilty about it. It is time that we give up the acts of being tough even when we are breaking on the inside and show ourselves a part of the compassion that we are expected to show the rest of the world.
Originally published at http://reallyinfluential.wordpress.com on January 19, 2022.
